My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
