i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Sober January is a disaster.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
