i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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