I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
