I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
