One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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