So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
sarcasm needs its own font
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
