Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize