Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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