yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
