I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
