As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
