sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
