Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
