How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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