By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
