My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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