I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
