I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish you could order shots online.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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