he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
