Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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