just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
