DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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