A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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