margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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