So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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