I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
