Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
