Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
