if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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