I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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