no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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