i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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