thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
