I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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