I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
