LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
