dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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