on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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