First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
