I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
