There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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