Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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