This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We're too hungover to prance.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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