I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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