Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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