We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
