I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
