does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
