So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
