Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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