I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
