we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
