Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
