Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
