you win again, gameday.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he fucked my hip out of place.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
