hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
