Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize