Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
