no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
