You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
