We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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