Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
