i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize