As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
