remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize