I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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