Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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