Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
