If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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