I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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