Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
