Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
