So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
soo... how was my night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
