he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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