he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
