I think I am morally bankrupt
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
