look no pants
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Floor bacon is actually really good
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
