i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
