so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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