Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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