Apparently you make a good broom.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize