some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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