Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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