Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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