That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
