Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
this is an emotional support booty call
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
